One of the most difficult yet crucial conversations a parent can have with their child is about mental health and, specifically, suicide. There’s a common misconception that asking about suicidal thoughts could somehow “plant the idea” in their mind. However, research shows the opposite: talking openly about suicide reduces the stigma, helps normalize these feelings, and creates a safe space for your child to share their struggles.
Breaking the Silence Around Suicide

Many parents fear that discussing suicide might cause their child to dwell on the subject or consider it an option. However, studies have shown that asking directly about suicidal thoughts does not increase the risk of suicidal behavior. Instead, it opens up an essential line of communication, showing your child that it’s okay to talk about difficult emotions. By breaking the silence, you help remove the shame that can prevent them from seeking help when they need it most.
Why It’s Important to Ask Your Child
The pre-teen and teenage years can be especially tumultuous, filled with emotional highs and lows. It’s not uncommon for young people to experience overwhelming stress, anxiety, or even depression. Your child might be facing academic pressure, social difficulties, or personal challenges that they struggle to cope with. While some kids feel comfortable expressing their emotions, others may hide their pain out of fear, embarrassment, or not wanting to “burden” their parents.
By directly asking about suicide, you let your child know that it’s okay to talk about these difficult feelings. You validate their emotions, showing them that mental health struggles are nothing to be ashamed of. This also helps prevent feelings of isolation, a factor that can contribute to suicidal thoughts. Simply knowing someone is there to listen can be a tremendous relief.
Normalizing the Conversation
When you ask your child, “Have you ever felt so low that you thought about hurting yourself or ending your life?” you’re not introducing new ideas. Instead, you’re creating an opportunity to check in on their well-being and foster emotional openness. This approach normalizes talking about emotions like sadness, hopelessness, and despair. Your child needs to know that these feelings, while painful, are not unusual and that there are healthy ways to cope.
When the conversation about suicide is treated with openness and care, your child learns that it’s okay to reach out during dark moments. Normalizing this discussion helps them feel safe, supported, and empowered to seek help instead of bottling up their emotions.
How to Approach the Conversation
Bringing up suicide may feel daunting, but it can be done in a calm, caring way. Here are a few tips:
1. Choose the right time and place: Make sure the setting is calm and private, Dr. Monique wants to remind you that sometimes "distracted conversations" with kids work best...you know, in the car on the drive to and from one place to another.
2. Start by expressing care and concern: You could begin with, “I know I've been busy but you're important to me and I want to check in on how you’re feeling.”
3. Ask directly (in words they're familiar with): Use clear and straightforward language, such as, “Have you ever thought about hurting yourself?" or "Have you ever felt like you'd be better off dead?"
4. Listen without judgment: If your child opens up, listen carefully. Avoid interrupting, dismissing their feelings, or rushing to offer solutions. LISTEN FOR SUPPORT NOT FOR PROBLEM SOLVING. Use "uh-huh," "that must suck," "I get that," etc.
5. Reassure them that they’re not alone: Let them know that feeling overwhelmed happens to many people and that help is available.
Opening the Door to Support
When you approach the topic of suicide with compassion, you open the door to further conversations about mental health and well-being. If your child does disclose that they’ve had suicidal thoughts, it’s vital to seek professional support. Mental health professionals can guide you and your child in developing coping strategies, understanding the root causes of their emotions, and creating a treatment plan to move forward.
Talking about suicide is not about fixing the problem in one conversation—it’s about building a bridge of trust. The more comfortable your child feels talking about their emotions with you, the more likely they are to reach out when they need help.
Conclusion
The fear of discussing suicide with your child is understandable, but staying silent could have far more dangerous consequences. By talking openly and asking direct questions, you show your child that their mental health matters. You’re helping to destigmatize tough conversations, making it easier for them to share their feelings and get the support they need.
Don’t wait for the “right” moment to talk about suicide—it’s a conversation that could save a life.
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